The Top Six Items Shark Week Filmers No Doubt Desperately Want

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And once again, we’ve made it to that grand and glorious time of year known only as Shark Week, the week that makes us all happy to be paying perfectly extortionate prices for cable or satellite so that we can watch hour upon hour of beautifully-filmed underwater footage of sharks, those magnificent gliding monsters. But what do the folks filming them wish they had? What gadgets might make a difference to the shark filmer? We’re not talking about a change of boxers, folks, we’re talking today about the top six gadgets a shark filmer would probably like to have. The best part about this list is that the technologies involved, for the most part, will be widely available at a variety of prices.

6. Catapult

It seems a bit low-tech to be included on this list, but it’s common knowledge that sharks are drawn to the scent of blood, and that the scent of blood can carry a really long way under water. Thus, a catapult would make an extra-handy tool for a shark filmer to have on hand, as when the crowds of sharks get a bit on the heavy side, a catapult would do well to fire a clot of bloody meat (sometimes called chum) out well away from filming.

5. Spear gun

Some places actually recommend carrying a weapon in the event a shark decides to attack, so that you can in turn fend it off. Sharks are used to swimming up on prey and eating, so prey that fights back might be better protected. Thankfully, there are plenty of places from which the shark filmer can get a spear gun, so it works out pretty well in the end.

4. Shark-proof plastic

Developed by the folks at Greyling Industries, they actually used this not as a shark protection device, but as a shark transport device. They actually managed to put a five foot long White Tip Reef Shark inside this material and successfully transported it across the North American continent inside. If it’s strong enough to hold a shark, it’s likely going to be a good thing to have around while filming them.

3. Proximity detector

For those filming shark attacks, especially without the benefit of item number two on the top six list, the worst possible thing to have happen is to have a shark sneak up on you from behind. Or from the top. Filming underwater is filming in a 360 degree environment, where anything can move in at any angle. And since your eyes can only cover a maximum of like a hundred-odd degrees in front of you, it’d be good to know when something was moving in. That’s where the proximity detector, of which there are several out, comes in, allowing you to know when something moves into your area. It may not be too useful if the area is full of sharks, but if something’s moving, whether you can see it or not, you’ll know about it.

2. Shock wetsuit

A recently patented device, and thus not yet available on the market, is a wetsuit designed to fend off shark attack by simply seeming unappealing to the shark in question. The patent describes the device as working by sending out an electric field, which is picked up by receptors in the shark’s nose and interpreted as a general sort of “stay away from this thing” signal. Admittedly, this might keep the sharks out of camera range, but if the fields work only at short range, it would at least keep them out of biting range.

1. Telepresence robot

Of course, sometimes, the best thing you can possibly say in a matter like this is “why bother”? Why send a human to do something horrible and dangerous when you can just send a robot to do it instead? Sure, the robots we have right now aren’t exactly the best for this sort of thing–we just wrote about one that boasted a five megapixel camera, which is high end for a cell phone, and no substitute for full filming gear in HD–but it definitely takes the danger out of the equation.

And so, there you have it–six devices that the folks involved in filming sharks would no doubt love to have on hand while they engage in the risky work of filming sharks.

Shark Week starts this Sunday on Discovery Channel.

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