Top 10 Ways to Make Money Off Apple Products Without Necessarily Working for Cupertino [Don’t Do Any of This at Home; It May or May Not Upset Steve Jobs & Co. on the Long Run]

These past couple of days we have seen once again why Apple is good at what it is going. It has a clear, but secret, vision of the future and it’s heading towards it no matter if we agree with everything it does or not. It has killer products that are not perfect but offer some very interesting solutions to our daily needs and it knows how to reward the people working for them.

Since Apple is a $50 billion business and it keeps growing and growing, here’s a top yours truly has compiled for you containing the best 10 ways to make money off Apple without necessarily being involved with the company. Some of these will make Apple mad, so don’t try any of them at home, kids!

10) Steal Apple products! It’s worth doing for some people and it won’t immediately attract Apple’s wrath. After all it’s some sort of indirect good publicity. If it’s worth stealing then people will conclude it’s also worth paying for it. In order to really make money this way you’ll basically have to steal a lot over the course of any given timeframe and you’ll most probably end up in jail.

9) Sell Apple-like products! And I’m thinking about Macs or Mac OS X software solutions for PCs and about knock offs! If I say Psystar to you does that ring a bell? Selling Apple related stuff not made by Apple will make Apple mad and you will be sued. Apple will probably win and tear your little start-up company down to pieces. You’d be better of with knock offs like the terrible iPhone replicas. At least that way Apple won’t really come after you since it won’t know exactly where in China you are based.

8 ) Make third-party gadgets, docks, connectors and cases! Apple will be more than happy to see you create stuff we don’t really need for its products. You’ll have to remember though not to use Apple’s trademark without permission. If that should happen then a lawsuit is definitely heading your way. And in case you end up covering an Apple product in jewelry and sell if for tons of dollars then you’ve hit the jackpot.

7) Create “apps” for the App Store! You don’t have to have a great idea as long as you fool Apple into allowing your shitty/shady app in the App Store. Fill it with ads or fool the public into paying for something that’s not giving them that much in return and you could make some money for a while, at least until Apple bans your app from the store.

In case you make true genuine apps then you should, by all means, make as much money as possible off the App Store and be congratulated for it!

6) Sell your music through iTunes! Having your songs sold through iTunes could be the goldmine you were looking for. But do you know how to sing in the first place? In case you do, and have a great agent to promote you then maybe you have a chance of having your music sold through Apple’s service. Apple will keep a chunk of that money and so will your agent.

I’d include eBooks here too but the iBook Store is yet to be opened. But do people read anymore? I mean besides TFTS, of course!

5) Become an Apple retailer and open your own store chain! Your stores might get robbed from time to time but you will definitely be very popular in your neighborhood. Building your gadgets store near an Apple Store will probably make Apple mad and ruin your whole business plan. In the long run you should make some money but don’t stick just to Apple products since they’re (still) too expensive for most folks!

Alternatively you can choose to become an Apple supplier although in that case you won’t make it in my top 5. How much money do you think Foxconn is making by working for Apple anyway?

4) Sue Apple for alleged patent infringement! Everyone does it but not everyone will walk away with lots of money since not everyone will succeed at beating Apple in this game. Take Nokia for example! They’re asking for $1.3 billion in damages but the whole lawsuit will only start in 2012. And there’s no saying they will win especially since Apple has sued them back. Which will probably happen to you too.

3) Be sued by Apple for alleged patent infringement! Whether you win or lose the trial one thing is certain: you will become popular with the public in case you happen to have your own line of totally-different-than-Apple’s products. Take HTC for example! The company was sued by Apple but it will become even more popular with iPhone haters and lovers. HTC has become a worthy adversary in the mobile business and if Apple is trying to keep it at bay then it must mean Cupertino is afraid of it. So if it’s worth suing it must be worth buying! (This rule will not apply to any Psystar-like situation.)

2) Be Google! This one is really hard to pull off for most people but if you manage to become Google then you’ll have no problem infiltrating the ranks of Apple, maybe even be part of its board. Make friends with everyone, help them for a while with various apps and solution its customers will desperately need, learn what you can from its way of handling its mobile and computer businesses and then storm off ready to launch Android, Chrome OS and your own phones in the near future. Prove the new devices/software are better than Apple’s and you’re in for success. Apple will not know how to handle the whole thing and a long battle is going to emerge. Who will win? He who controls the Internet we’d suspect, but we’re in for a really long battle.

1) Become Apple’s acting CEO, at least for a while! Our hats go off to Tim Cook again! He managed to steer the Apple giant while Steve Jobs was away. Not everyone could be capable of such performance and that’s why not everyone will walk away with a bonus of $22 million. Getting to that top spot might be particularly difficult but you can always try! I hear the Genius bar is hiring! You’ve got to start somewhere and maybe that’s the best place to do so since it will give you a chance to hear our side of the story whenever something’s wrong with an Apple product.

So what do you say, folks? Are any of you making money off Apple in any way?

In case you are wondering, writing about Apple products didn’t make the list yet, but we’re all working on it!

(This article is part pamphlet so it should be treated accordingly!)