German Inventor Develops Miracle AR 1 Stealth Paint Having Given Up On Worm Excrement Project [Will Come in Beige, Probably]

According to reports surfacing in the German press, a German inventor by the name of Werner Nickel, who was initially working in the United Arab Emirates on a project that employed worm excrement to grow radishes in the desert (we couldn’t make this stuff up if we tried) has developed a stealth paint, known merely as AR 1, that has confounded the experts who have confirmed that Nickel’s stealth paint does indeed work, but they’re not exactly sure why.

The miracle paint’s formulation is not detailed, but what is known is that, whilst military funded ‘black’ projects may get multi-millions in funding, Nickel developed the paint in the desert without laboratories at his disposal and very much as a ‘pet project’ following on from experiments made in the past that had been showcased to the US military with disastrous results. Nickel’s new paint, however, is causing considerable excitement, as well as a great deal of head-scratching.

Needless to say, following laboratory tests that prove that Nickel’s AR 1 paint works, rendering anything coated in it wholly invisible to long range radar, defence companies are positively clambering to get their hands on the paint with the Bundeswehr Technical Center for Ships and Naval Weapons (WTD 71) in Eckenförde, based by the Baltic Sea, looking to instigate trials of the paint on warships. (Interestingly, we should add that a certain Saddam Hussein took an interest in the miracle paint long before, and contact was made with Nickel with view to him helping the dictator to hide military installations from US forces – however, Nickel did not proceed with talks stating that, ‘the whole thing got too hot for me when they booked us rooms in the Al-Rashid Hotel in Baghdad’.)

Whilst military applications of Nickel’s AR 1 paint are all too obvious, it’s also thought that the paint could also be used in the civil sector – most notably at airports where buildings that cutter radar screens could be coated in the paint to make them ‘disappear’.

You can read the full story concerning Werner Nickel’s AR1 miracle paint via Der Spiegel’s website (duly credited) which, we should add, makes thoroughly compulsive reading.